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Rambling...Man
by Gary Charpentier |
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Speed
bumps are merely launch-ramps for the fearless! This thought
buzzed through my head as I negotiated the newly reopened
stretch of West River Road. The speed limit here is 25 miles
an hour, and they try to enforce it with these mild speed
bumps, speed "humps" actually, at arbitrary intervals.
Giggling maniacally inside my helmet, I sail over them with
ease on Babe the Blue Ox, my NX 650 winter bike. I actually ride
quite slowly along this scenic route. The river, and the
various bridges over it, encourage me to take my time and
enjoy the scenery. Not to mention the lycra-clad females
bicycling or in-line skating on the many miles of paved
pathways alongside the road. Spring is in the air, and I can
feel it down to my toes. I spotted two geese today, the
advance reconnaissance party for the many flocks to come.
Soon traffic will be backed up in places where these hordes
of long-necked, winged varmints choose to jaywalk leisurely
across the street. Watch your step down by the river, there
is nothing more slippery than goose dung. I have been
recovering from reconstructive knee surgery for 3 weeks now.
The pain kept me off my bike for two whole weeks, by the end
of which I strapped my crutches across the back of the bike
and rode down the center of the lane, wide as a car! People
stared, I stared back. They actually gave me room! Something
to think about, I guess... I have seen some
of you venture out already, on your shiny Harley-Davidsons
and various Japanese cruisers. How do you do that without a
helmet? Perhaps there is nothing left to freeze. Blue faces,
windswept hair, and sunglasses...what style! This must be
Minnesota! How many of you trailered your bikes down to
Daytona? Nice tan. Aw hell, don't mind me, I'm just
jealous. Well, here we are
on the verge of the last riding season of the 20th century.
Motorcycles were created almost 100 years ago, and now we
are about to see our first honest 200-mph street-legal bike:
the Suzuki Hayabusa. It sure doesn't look much like it's
predecessors. I wonder if the Japanese have bought exclusive
rights to the alien technology that everyone knows resides
at Area 51 in the Nevada desert? What's next? Ion drive?
Anti-gravity crash avoidance? I have read where riders
testing the Yamaha R6 have said that the bike will rail into
a corner with a mere change in facial expression! Soon after
the turn of the century, I expect frames and engine cases
made of Unobtainium, bodywork composites of
carbon/kevlar/depleted-uranium, and wheels and brakes made
of solidified helium for that lighter-than-air unsprung
weight to keep us trading in two-year-old, obsolescent
mounts for the next latest and greatest, ad
infinitum. How many people
are waiting out 1999 to purchase their new motorcycle in the
year 2000? I am, but my motivation is purely financial--I
don't have the cash this year. But I'll bet there are a lot
of folks out there who are riding the old iron one more year
just to buy a two-triple-ought CBRGSXFLHZX when it comes
out. So, I have been
racking my brain trying to come up with a new ride for this
year. I have a wonderful CL450 Honda Scrambler which I've
been thinking of building into a little coffeehouse
screamer. Todd Hennings has a bunch of extraordinary hop-up
parts designed to make these bikes into AHRMA 500-class
vintage racers, and I think these would do nicely for an
off-the-wall cafe racer. Polished alloy tank, hump-backed
solo saddle, clip-on bars, and engine mods would make for a
unique and interesting ride. Cheap insurance as a bonus, I
can't go wrong there. Has anybody
noticed all the cameras perched on poles high above all the
major arteries in our fair Twin Cities? Those are for
traffic monitoring only, right? Big Brother isn't really
watching you, is he? Technology really is a double-edged
sword, I'm afraid. They have a thing called GATSO over in
the UK that combines radar with cameras which automatically
photograph your license plate when you pass them at
extra-legal speeds. All you see is a flash in your rearview
mirror, but then a couple weeks later you receive a ticket
in the mail. How long until they implement that over here?
Stay tuned. I have been riding
alone all winter, for obvious reasons, and I find that it
really isn't that bad as long as I plan ahead. For instance,
if my ride is going to take me to a coffee house or
restaurant, I make sure to take a good book along. Nothing
is more boring than going out to eat or drink by yourself
with nothing to occupy your mind while you wait for that
pint of Guinness to settle, or that El Grande Burrito to
arrive, (watch that plate, it's HOT!). Much better to take
old Charles Bukowski or Ernest Hemingway along for the ride.
Time passes quickly when you are lost in a good writer's
words. Finally, I have
just received news that I am going to be a father. Go
figure! After six years of marriage, resigned to the fact
that we would have to enjoy/endure each other's company for
the rest of our lives, the unthinkable happened. How do I
feel about that? Oh, let's not go there. Fate is a very
large dog who has me gripped in his mouth and is shaking me
vigorously, I am merely along for the ride. I will teach my
child about life from the saddle of a motorbike. What I will
learn from the experience has yet to be determined. I am
sure this will slow me down a bit--that's okay. My own frame
is showing signs of fatigue, and my motor doesn't have all
the compression it once did. But I swear I will resist the
purchase of a minivan to my last breath! Maybe I'll talk to
Vic about that side-hack. M.M.M.
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