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Doh!
by Harvey Mushman |
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It
was only a matter of time before the long arm of Jonny Law
reached out and snatched one the many scofflaws on the staff
here at M.M.M. So it should come as not great surprise that
on one of these fine early spring mornings our resident
café racer, Gary Charpentier, was caught riding at
what we like to call "an elevated and aggressive
pace". The result of all
of this is that Gary is now interned at one of the fine
county jails in the metro area. The exact location of his
incarceration is a closely held secret since us
moto-journalist types often have contacts within the
numerous outlaw biker gangs that plague our fine state. They
would certainly stop at nothing to free one of their fellow
rebels against society from the clutches of the "Man".
Without hesitation Gary wasted his one phone call trying to
reach the staff offices of M.M.M., but alas we were all out
conning manufacturer reps out of any free goodies we could
get our hands on--promising lengthy favorable reviews. So
the call went unanswered. We discovered his message quite by
accident; while the cleaning lady was dusting around the
phone she accidentally knocked it from it's cradle. To all
of our amazement there was the sultry voice of US West
proclaiming that we had one message. Well to make a
long story short we had been using the M.M.M. bail money
fund for cigarettes and White Castle runs and were down to
$3.21. But after a grueling planning session hosted by a
local tavern we decided to form the "Café Racer Legal
Defense Fund". We don't care where the money comes from. It
can be funneled to us from the Chinese Communists or be
laundered by the mob, we don't care. So send your donations
of cash, jewelry, and recyclables to M.M.M. Bail Fund. For
the future of a café racer and for the
children. M.M.M.
With
head full of caffeine and a pass-due deadline to make, our
intrepid hero rocketed down a local interstate hoping his
editor would forgive his tardiness. The actual speed is
still in question but all parties seem to agree that it was
at or near the magical 100 mph mark. Local law enforcement
officials were also dismayed by what appeared to be Gary's
attempt to evade their capture, though we are assured by
experts that it takes several miles to slow a large piece of
vintage Japanese iron when traveling at high rate of speed.
Upon being questioned by the officer Gary was heard to say,
"We just want to be free to ride our machines without being
hassled by the Man."
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